we-could-not-talk-foreverShe was young, into new medicines. He was a well-to-do great-grandfather from upstate. She liked to think of herself as bohemian, and he owned the Corporate Conference Convention Corp. She said their first meeting had been brusque (she felt smarter speaking in extra letters); he misremembered it as brusk. She saw his black AmEx card, and if he could see anymore he would have noticed her tattoo, “Sequins,” right above her left ass. She asked if he was into formication, whereupon the user places a bottle of Shaft-flavored Axe Body Spray above the lip and engages it into the empty area formerly occupied by his/her brain, otherwise known as “the Axe Effect,” or getting AE’d; he thought she said the word generally defined as consensual sexual intercourse between two people not married to each other. It was love at first sight.

– Det. Nick Denton

Screen Shot 2015-03-11 at 11.18.30 AMHere’s a tip for all you go-getting career-minded youngsters: do a hit of LSD before your next job interview. The formication feeling that you’ll think is real will make you jittery and alert (because a million bugs crawling over your body will make you both those things, it’s a guarantee), making the answers to your interviewer’s questions brusque and to the point. Your tone will not only terrify your potential employer, but will also get you hired out of pity!

— Cindy Capleton, career advisor

formication [fawr-mi-key-shuh n] 1. a tactile hallucination involving the belief that something is crawling on the body or under the skin

brusque (adjective) \BRUSK\ : so short and frank in manner or speech as to be impolite

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