It was a stark and wormy night, and Meghan had a serious case of the bed bugs. She checked her chonometer: 3:14am. Son of an itch. She knew coming to work at the Center For Web Development was a gamble, but she followed Todd, a spider who once promised her the world (but is now so wrapped up in his net worth that he stopped paying attention to her months ago). “The big city isn’t any place for a lady bug,” Meghan’s mom said. And maybe she was right. Still, there was no way she’d go back home to the hairy arms of her circuis-freak ex, Gary, a lazy Trapeze Moth.

–Det. Nick Denton

Screen Shot 2015-03-11 at 10.52.31 AMChief Warrant Officer Neville Diapers (distant cousin of Nigel Diapers himself, lovable vagrant), stood at the helm of his ship, adjusting the glittering insignia shining on his chest. He stared into the choppy seas, fiddling at his chronometer, a gift he received from his beloved Helmsworth after graduating from the naval academy. Glancing down at the time, he shrieked, and called to his crew: “Increase speed by 69 knots! We’ve got two hours left to get these trapeze strippers to Moby Dick’s bachelor party!”

— Cindy Capleton

chronometer [kruh-nom-i-ter] noun 1. a timepiece or timing device with a special mechanism for ensuring and adjusting its accuracy, for use in determining longitude at sea or for any purpose where very exact measurement of time is required. 2. any timepiece, especially a wristwatch, designed for the highest accuracy.

trapeze (noun) \tra-PEEZ\ : a gymnastic or acrobatic device consisting of a short horizontal bar hung from two parallel ropes

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