Ad hockery / Pell-mell

It was 1982, and the sun was at that time when it’s purple and everything’s nostalgic, you know what I mean. Anyway, this is about Steve and Barbra — lovers of another era. Steve didn’t talk much, and besides, Barb was mute. But they didn’t need words: they talked with their hips. Steve would put his hand upon her hip, and then he would dip, she’d dip, they’d dip (that meant that he either wanted to go to the movies or was choking, depending on the inflection). Barb would raise her right hip and touch her left elbow, and Steve knew what that meant: either, “My life has become a pell-mell pile of ad hockery since you came along, you son of a bitch,” or she was DTF, depending on the inflection. Anyway, 69 months later they had me, and I typed this whole thing with my boobs.

–Det. Nick Denton

Screen Shot 2015-02-27 at 5.31.50 PMAn excerpt from the dream diary of N. Diapers:

January 2, 1983

Dear Diary,

Tonight I dreamed that I was at Winkles, the first ever interpretive dance strip club in the county. I got some nose flour from a monkey wearing a shower cap and then ran headfirst into a glass window — everyone was running around pell-mell and I was just sitting there laughing and picking glass out of my forehead while a lady who was half lady, half dragon balanced on my balls and laughed along with me. Then she flew away and I felt guilty about the window and made a crockpot ad hockery attempt to fix it by gluing the large pieces back together with what I thought was a gluestick (it was my lip balm), but the glass kept turning into wheels of cheese. The dragon lady flew back into the room and whispered, “run, Diapers,” in my ear and then my feet turned into walrus flippers. I woke up with the words BUTT BUTTLER scribbled on my arm in red ink. What does it all mean, diary? A glimpse into the future, perhaps? 

I love you,

Diapers

–Cindy Capleton


ad hockery [ad hok-uh-ree]  noun 1.reliance on temporary solutions rather than on consistent, long-term plans.

pell-mell (adverb) \PEHL-MEHL\ 1 : in confusion or disorder 2 : in great haste

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