In retrospect, Francis realized that she should have never hired former NBA star and noted friend of Kim Jong-un, Dennis Rodman, as chief of yarn at her increasingly prominent woven goods startup, Dream Weavers. Not only did Rodman have a terrible attitude toward arts and crafts, his loom dexterity was shit, rendering him completely inutile to the company — and to the world of weaving in general.
Sure, without Viagra, their below-the-belts were essentially inutile. But Edgar, Martin and Bruce, the last surviving members of the most popular Coldplay cover band to ever hail from the Eternal Sunshine Senior Center, could literally get any old broad they chose, sometimes without asking (Regis left Oldplay last year when he died).
Always easygoing, the gang was fine as feathers to be on the lineup at Wrinklearia’s Retrospective Fest this year, but they sure as hell wouldn’t follow their arch nemesis: Huey Lewis & The News.
–Det. Nick Denton