Phthisis/candid

“I’ll be completely candid here,” said Mutt Rimley (whose campaign methods to win the presidential seat of the Western Mountains in Wrinklearia were nothing but downright dirty). “The entire economy is just one big phthisis. It’s been wittled down to a giant pile of shit. Instead of pooping money down the drain, y’all should vote for me! I can turn feces to gold!” He then proceeded to poop into a golden toilet that when flushed caused an avalanche of gold coins to rain down on his audience.

–Cindy Capleton

Naturally, I was emotionally drained and rendered unable to compete in my regularly scheduled weekly fart tournament after watching the 5-hour television special entitled “Walk Like an Enema,” a candid portrayal of the phthisis of the once powerful inventor turned homeless loon, Nigel Diapers.
-Gladys Potter

Sprinkles explained to his therapist, “I feel like our relationship is going through some sort of phthisis…to be perfectly candid I just don’t think Shenis and I are clicking anymore.” He and the therapist looked at Shenis who simply sat there motionless on the chair, unable to say anything in response since she was just a funnel/tube contraption designed to allow women to pee while standing.
–Lady Schwartz

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