4th of July Edition: Gallant/declaration

After the young, handsome, and superfluously gallant Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence, there was a slap fight between his cosigners to see whose signature would become permanent first. John Hancock, bitchy as he was, wore his sharpest rings and was the quill champion of the day.

–Cindy Capleton

When his soon-to-be ex-wife arrived with her team of lawyers and divorce papers, Alfred stood up, dropped trou and proceeded to sign on the dotted line with his own urine as a declaration of independence from the long and difficult marriage, though he seemed less gallant when he let out a high pitched crescendo of a fart upon finishing.
-Gladys Potter

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