High chancellor Wrinkies threw up his hands and replied sheepishly, “Twas no fault of mine! It is imponderable to think that our queen regent would ever be caught shoplifting from Diaperton’s sex store in the first place! When I arrested her, I was simply following protocol!” He spoke of course, of Queen Shingz’s most recent scandal that rocked Wrinklearia, in which she was caught shoplifting a hefty amount of gummy bloomers and cheese-scented massage oil, supposedly for her lover, the jester-clown at penis court called Buttons.

–Cindy Capleton

“Imponderable!” I exclaimed when I flipped on the telly to see none other than “Sir” Nigel Diapers being knighted by the Queen. “He must have given that old skank a bulk discount on anal pasties…or psychedelics. Why else?!!??”

“I did it because I love you,” Diapers said with a sheepish shrug. Mrs. Diapers replied, “Why would I ever watch you jam a caterpillar in your peehole and assume you did it for me? It’s imponderable. That said, let’s take our diapers off, slap on a coupla used Ne’re You Minds and smoke some crack?”
–Lady Schwartz

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