Agley/lace

When everything goes agley, I lace up my boots and follow the advice that Lady Schwartz once gave me, the same advice in fact, that Roseanne once gave Tom Arnold: walk in with your dick first. 

–Cindy Capleton

The day was off to an agley start – my lace nightie, stained from my previous night’s work as the Hooker with a Fart of Gold in the annual musical revue “A Day in the Life of Abraham Stinkoln,” was the only piece of clothing clean enough to wear to my day job as a juggling instructor in a hermaphrodite’s prison.

~Lady Schwartz

So I was like, “Listen bitch! You is so agley, you make blind kids cry!” as I unlaced my knee-highs and took out my hoops.

 – Sir Pumpkin Longshanks







She sits, fingers laced.
But one finger is missing.
The whole thing’s agley.

-orientalists mustn’t rhyme

Though Petunia had forgotten bullying her in elementary school, Zelda the conniving seamstress did not and made sure that Petunia’s wedding day went totally agley by secretly sewing lace with a subtle penis pattern on it into her otherwise perfect white dress.
-Gladys Potter

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