You’d think after years of his fugitive lifestyle that Nigel Diapers would be a bit more pliable when it comes to his skincare routine, but no: every morning despite his location, how much PCP he’d taken the night before, and the layers of trash he was lying under, Diapers would wash his ugly mug in silver infused rosewater and moisturize with a mixture of sliced banana peels and the dew he found on flowers in cemeteries.

–Cindy Capleton

Every time Aunt Jemima goes to the circus, she thinks back to the fugitive days of her youth when she was fresh out of clown college with plans as pliable as the balloons she used to transform into penises, dolphins, and daisies. Nowadays, it’s nothing but syrup and the daily grind.
-Gladys Potter

Mr. Diapers swooned at the memory of his Mrs. Diapers’ fugitive beauty, now ravaged by years of PCP abuse and malnourishment – the same destructive forces that turned his own once-pliable skin into the epidermal equivalent of warm taffy.

~Lady Schwartz

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