I am truly hoping that the United States does not follow Norway’s example to declare war on butter; thankfully in a fetial press conference last week, the Secretary of State assured vast amounts of fatties across the nation that the butter battle would stay in Europe with the rest of the hippies.

–Cindy Capleton

“Thank goodness my days in the business are through! In my old age I couldn’t possibly keep up with the vast array of wars popping up on this goddamn hellhole of a planet!” exclaimed the disgruntled retired fetial priest.
-Gladys Potter

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