“Let me answer that ever so silly polemic with a question,” said Astronaut Mike Dexter. “In space, why would we wear boxers or briefs? As we all know, space is scientifically very cold, and due to NASA contracts, we are obligated to wear a trio of undergarments at all times: boxers, briefs, and a lady’s thong. I was just as flabbergasted as you were, but once you get used to the trifecta, it’s really the only way to go.”
Before I could change the channel, a horrific trio of Rick, Rick and Michele appeared on the screen, and from their mouths spewed a polemic against homosexuality, a litany of familial virtues that slavery bestowed upon the American people, and a chorus of heartfelt prayers to their god for economic stability. And after this bit of CNN coverage, I knew who I’d rather see running for president of this broken nation.
Upon glimpsing the trio of tiny blue dildos peeking out from under Gargamel’s bed it suddenly became all too clear that his anti-Smurf polemic was mere smoke and mirrors intended to hide his incessant smurfsturbating.