We all thought that chaptalizing that rosé with an entire box of Splenda seemed like a good idea–who likes that bitter shit anyway?–until the next morning, which we spent throwing up into planters and sinks, mewling and caterwauling and cursing ourselves. –Cindy Capleton
Instead of breaking the bank on fine wine, we answer Stinks’s mewling demand for booze with Riunite, which we chaptalize with corn syrup till it has the zing of a stately port.
After such a rough day at work I really needed to get my buzz on but all I had on hand were some dusty candy bars and cooking sherry. I chaptalized the sherry with the sweets but not before eating an entire uncooked ham – in the hopes that some of the alcohol would be soaked up and I would not spend the entire next day at work, whimpering and mewling in the stockroom under the guise of being “busy.”