Mr. Wrinkles had recently decided to turn his sprawling hacienda into the new home of the Special Genital Olympics. Finally there was a safe open space for those with bizarrely large penises to perform the Dick Joust, which is the precise reason I decided to co-chair the event.

~Lady Schwartz

“Dad, I don’t know why you’re overreacting…so what if I charged a hundred haciendas to your credit card? At least now you have something to leave us in your will! And we can start that pickle farm you’ve always dreamed of. I was drunk and I thought I was ordering a hundred hyacinths for Mr. Wiggles! It’s your fault for not making me do my Words of the Day sentences every morning…I mean, they basically sound the same, don’t you think? One day, in precisely 70 years, we’ll all laugh at this, you’ll see. What’s that? What’s disowning?”

–Cindy Capleton

“To be precise, it’s an hacienda.” Bruce flipped back his frosted blond hair as he corrected Mildred who’d asked where his house was. She muttered under her breath, “I’d like to show your ass-the-enda my foot giving it the worst kicking of its life you stinky swine!” but said aloud, “ah, yes, how lovely.”
-Gladys Potter

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2 Responses to Hacienda/precise

  1. wrightless smalls says:

    Juniper berries lined the property upon which Nareesa’s hacienda lay, her horticulturalistic intent was both sustainable and precise, as the plant would be used to make the gin with which she and her revolving door of houseguests would sustain themselves throughout the summer. A thick and slow haze of gin fueled lounging was destined to occur for at least the month of August, but likely well into September, for it seemed everyone had a week or two off to descend upon her drunken hospitality.

  2. At precisely 11PM, three hours after their feast at “Charlie’s Hacienda – Tex Mex That’s Better Than Sex!”, both Andrew and Mark experienced explosive diarrhea thus eliminating any real possibility at challenging Charlie’s slogan. Between grunts Mark raised his fist into the air and cursed “We’ll get you next time Charlie! ARGH…uughh…next time..”Andrew, who was laying in the tub exhausted and covered in his own filth merely whimpered and continued sobbing. Somewhere in the distance Charlie, who is actually Vietnamese and faked his classical Tex-Mex Haut Cuisine certification, counted the receipts for the day and laughed to himself. Payback’s a bitch round-eye! Charlie 1: Mark and Andrew: 0

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