As Merkin McGee scouted the area for hot, rich dudes who she could possibly marry, she realized that the PathMark on a Sunday morning was not the best placed to troll for dates–unless she wanted to settle for the stooped, hoary gentlemen who were trying to pinch her butt.

–Cindy Capleton

Unfortunately, I blindly scarfed down the hoary Snickers before realizing its rancidity and hence had to spend the rest of my lunch break on the pot in the Whole Foods bathroom instead of scouting the park for celebrities to rob like I normally do.
-Gladys Potter

Gary was surprised to hear that on his new job as a talent scout he had misunderstood his boss’ wishes and they were not pleased with the hoary, wizened old man he brought to the film set. “We said whory, you idiot,” they told him. Full of gumption, Gary dressed Old Man Wrinklenuts in a miniskirt, coconut bra and thigh-high boots and brought him in again, this time to his boss’ delight.

~Lady Schwartz

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4 Responses to Hoary/scout

  1. Dr Banana says:

    Billy Boehner was the scout in this case, he edged his way carefully through the reeds by the water. He didn’t want to be spotted by the enemy, or that hoary old codger Mr. Oldscroat, who would certainly try and slow dance once again to the music of Luther Vandross should he spot the young Boehner in the reeds.

  2. hiroprotagonist says:

    My dear beloved father, may he rest in peace, and I, being me, myself — none other, and definitely not you — used to go out for long drives. It was a sort of father-son bonding exercise. During the drives he would recite bits of hoary advice, beat dead horses, and pontificate on what it meant to be a man. During the war he was a scout. In peace time he was a plumber. In his old age, he was senile and recursive in speech and thought. Now, perhaps, in his next life, he is a moth, hyrax, or axolotl.

  3. We love you both, Banana and Protagonist.

  4. wrightless smalls says:

    I misinterpretted what Ezekial accused me of, to be honest I swelled with a little bit of pride at his declaration of how hoary I am, it was only after scouting around in the court transcripts that I realized he was saying something else entirely. Prick.

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