Last year for his birthday, Jeffery Weinerslav was presented with a wondrous handsel in the form of a syzygy eclipse, one that won’t occur for another 300 years–however, he was completely unfazed by the celestial show, for the only thing that was actually on his wish list that year was a donkey.
“I yearn for you as the tide yearns for the moon, ever-reaching its crest to the heavens. A syzygy of the sun, earth and moon have nothing on us, Snuggle – you, me and the soft blanket you so lovingly embrace. May I have it? There, I’ll keep it, a handsel to remind me of your yellow fur and round ears. I love you, sweet, sweet Downy fabric softener bear.”
What a day to have my camera in the shop, I thought as I stared at the fleeting beauty for which I wouldn’t have a handsel: The Schwartz Syzygy, the once-in-a-blue naturally occuring phenomenon when the sun god’s taint, the moon god’s butt hair, and the rain goddess’s left boob perfectly align to cast a golden glowing penis-shaped shadow across all the land.