Manatee Williams was put in a big zugzwang–she could either keep her name, thus continuing to honor her father (a 55-year-old sea cow) and ruining her chances to host “Meat Cat” on NBC…OR she could change her name to become more telegenic and disgrace the gentle giant from whose loins she was sired. What to do?

–Cindy Capleton

I contemplated the zugzwang with which I was riddled : buy a Spice Swiveler from a telegenic QVC angel and it breaks in a week or resist commercial temptation and never know what may have been.
-Gladys Potter

After Will Smith kicked Shirley off the Fresh Prince reunion show, she was faced with a zugzwang to beat all zugzwangs: does she listen to Mr. Smith, go against all her better judgements and get the back alley nosejob that he insists will make her telegenic enough to play his mistress on the show? Or does she roofie his lunchtime martini, shove a lit cigar up his butt, and sell the pictures to the highest bidder?

-Lady Schwartz

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3 Responses to Zugzwang/telegenic

  1. wrightless smalls says:

    “Didn’t expect to find yourself in such a zugzwang, did you my little telegenic friend?” Dr. Evil cackled at Suzanne Somers, who’s options between dousing her face with acid and stabbing herself in the eye with a sharpened dildo were neither of them very enticing.

  2. Velma Creen says:

    At around noon, I happened upon Alevizos Sorel and Russo Rennie attempting, in vain, to navigate across 7th Avenue against the light. I was prompted to tell a Jen, “Ick! A Zugzwang! Best follow me to avoid losing a limb.” And they did.

  3. Dr Banana says:

    “Wow, you are so telegenic” whispered Chris, as he stroked the image of his penis that he was looking on his television set. An unwelcome knock came to the door and Chris jumped to his feet. What a zugwang he was in, answer the door and have the guest realize he doesn’t own a flat screen or put his pants back on his head and jump into the night early to start his shift as ‘PantMan’, the master of the skies.

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