“Hey, I’m no patriot,” said Margot, as she signaled to the bartender by clinking the ice in her empty glass, “but, yes, every year I commemorate the anniversary of women’s suffrage by getting hammered and taking as many online surveys as possible…BARMAAAAAIIIDDDD! ANOTHER U&V NOOOOW!!!”
-Gladys Potter

“Now that two men kin get murried up north the next thang ta happen’ll be they’ll grant suffrage to dogs, or worse, barnyard ani-malls.  We all know those’re only good fur f*cking and laying eggs. Then agin, my pig is a bigger patriot than even me – ev’ry tahm God Bless Amurica comes on the talkin box he gits up on his hind legs and gives a squeal you wouldn’t bu-leev if you saw it yo’self.”

~Lady Shwartz

“Now, now…everyone knows that I am one of America’s biggest patriots,” said Johnson the killer whale, holding his flipper still and akimbo for a dramatic pause. “And I believe in equality–but I don’t think that these dolphins should be granted suffrage in this next election! They are rapists and killers and if I see that Daniel the Dolphin’s dong one more time, I’m going to run him out of the lagoon myself!”

–Cindy Capleton

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