Catawampus/mitt

Because of his anatomically incorrect, catawampus, freakish body–one boob’s like a watermelon, the other is like a strawberry,  short legs abutting to a 3 foot long torso, and swinging Praying Mantis arms with hands the size of a catcher’s mitt–Lou knew he only had 2 career choices in life: circus carney or life-sized Picasso poser.

–Cindy Capleton

“Forgive me for finding the details a bit catawampus, Roger, but why would you need this for a ‘poker night with the guys?'” But his response didn’t matter for upon finding her oven mitt in his briefcase, Sprinkles was now certain that her husband had fallen back into his old addiction to moonlighting as Donna Peed at the drag cabaret again…
-Gladys Potter

“No no no. You’re doing it all off-kilter, all catawampus-like. Get rid of those safety mitts, they’re useless. The best way to lift and move that pool table by yourself is to grab the end, snap your back up and lock your knees. Hyperextend your elbows. Why are you stretching? That’s pointless.”
Lady Shwartz

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3 Responses to Catawampus/mitt

  1. Dr Banana says:

    Scatmanango, the master craftsman, twisted his gob and reckoned his eye the the edge. “Never before has edge has been so catawampus” he whispered to himself. He knew he was on to something so he put on a pair of mitts and pummeled his chest while dancing the moves to Thriller at a frantic speed and shouting “Reciptocate my xenogenic jujustsu you furtive ape” over and over and over. No one knew why except the old giraffe who always watched through the window.

  2. Dr Banana says:

    Oh my, could there be any more typos in a post. Get a secretary Dr Banana.

  3. wrightless smalls says:

    His mitt traveled catawampus across my body, right breast (the little guy) to left thigh, trailing neosporin over my potbelly and smoothing down my five o’clock shadow pubes, resting finally at the slit that i had carved carefully into my thigh -attempting to create an extra orifice with which to welcome him- smoothing antibiotic into the wound delicately.

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