Because of his anatomically incorrect, catawampus, freakish body–one boob’s like a watermelon, the other is like a strawberry, short legs abutting to a 3 foot long torso, and swinging Praying Mantis arms with hands the size of a catcher’s mitt–Lou knew he only had 2 career choices in life: circus carney or life-sized Picasso poser.
“Forgive me for finding the details a bit catawampus, Roger, but why would you need this for a ‘poker night with the guys?'” But his response didn’t matter for upon finding her oven mitt in his briefcase, Sprinkles was now certain that her husband had fallen back into his old addiction to moonlighting as Donna Peed at the drag cabaret again…
“No no no. You’re doing it all off-kilter, all catawampus-like. Get rid of those safety mitts, they’re useless. The best way to lift and move that pool table by yourself is to grab the end, snap your back up and lock your knees. Hyperextend your elbows. Why are you stretching? That’s pointless.”