Rising at 5am and dragging oneself to the deepest pit of Tartarus (the Financial District) to adhere to a new schedule is not exactly an easy feat for most, especially when the presiding dickhole who ordered this new edict is so blatantly gauche. However, Cindy Capleton conceded to these terms of Mr. Dickhole, despite the fact that her job attenuated her life force and sanity greatly.
Quick tip to those kids who would wish to preside
at the front of the class—Lord only knows why—
put your hand down, lean back, just try feign nonchalance,
let the other kids answer a question for once;
and if called to describe a diminishing state
use the phrase “make less strong,” not the word “attenuate.”
—Oscar Mayer’s Revenge
Just as long as the great Tooch presides over her nation, there shall be no natural force, no evil villian, no intolerant body to attenuate the powerful spirit of her people. TOOCH NATION, NATION OF TOOCH.
Quick note to the fat that presently presides over my lower half like an inner tube: You clearly have a mind of your own and would like to be not only noticeable but center stage. I have no choice but to swathe you in elaborate drapery, tents, king-sized quilts and tarps in an effort to attenuate your unseemly desire to bulge, balloon, roll and wrinkle out of all of my clothing.