Entranced by Shania Twain’s jujitsu pop?-country? magic in my headphones, I didn’t notice those two little thieves exchanging furtive glances signaling the time was now. It wasn’t until later when I went to pay for my double egg double cheese double bacon on a croissant that I realized I’d been robbed, for the voice of that sweet angel resonated in my heart even though my portable music device had been taken from me.
Alternate ending to Beauty and the Beast (Director’s Cut):
As Belle leaned in to kiss the ailing Beast her hand furtively slipped under his fur to unsnap the bra hiding beneath his silky coat. Aha! As suspected he was a she…so she kissed him deeply, with jujitsu skill one would not assume of a lonely girl of such innocent milkmaid beauty. The Beast suddenly transformed into a loud-talking, truck-driving, mullet-wearing, gum-snapping wiseacre of a lady. They hitched a ride to the Pussycat Club and lived happily ever after. The end.
Since everyone knows how small an alligator’s brain is (except the alligator himself, of course), it was shocking to hear about Sal, an overweight American alligator who made headlines by robbing a convenience store in Florida, using a mixture of karate, jujitsu, and his teeth. Witnesses noticed his furtive behavior and called the authorities immediately after he devoured an entire Slim Jim stand and someone’s annoying dog. Sal, now serving 8-10 years for robbery, assult with a deadly weapon (his teeth), was transferred to a county prison in Jacksonville.