“What is it, Doctor? A torn butt muscle? A wrinkled intestine?” Ernest asked over a symphony of paper gown rustling, to which Dr. Peinerschlong replied with utmost gravitas, “I’m afraid not, Mr. Stinkery. The x-ray shows that your asshole has disappeared completely and though your intestines abut properly on your stomach at one end, on the other, there is a tiny cat that sings show tunes instead of poops.”

-Gladys Potter

Johnathan Taylor Thomas, former child actor, unknowingly disappeared off of pop culture’s radar some time between 1995 and 2003, when he made a miniature comeback on the WB’s hit show, Smallville. Unbeknownst to the world, he became the owner of a small, yet prominent reptile-themed strip club in an obscure county along the Texas-Louisiana border. The club abuts both states, causing an eclectic ambiance of cow hides and black magic. Thomas is not only the chief operating executive, but also the muscle. His long term plans include achieving a MMA title, turning the club into a conglomerate, and learning to bake. Welcome back, JTT!

–Cindy Caplezun

In her social circle Lady Mendl functioned as both brains and the brawn. On weekdays she rubbed elbows with the intelligentsia, holding literary salons and attending political functions. On weekends she spent her time slumming it with the “other side,” abutted against pimps, whores, johns, dirtbags, scumbags, slimebuckets, hobos, robbers and thieves, generally keeping the peace and living up to her nickname, “Lady Muscle.”

-Lady Schwartz

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4 Responses to Abut/muscle

  1. Dr Banana says:

    Step 8: When one wants to abut a muscle, one winks at one’s partner and does the bird flap.

  2. wrightless smalls says:

    I shuddered like a bus against his central muscle, my anal pore abut to his frothy groin, arms akimbo and made faces like an epileptic seizure.

  3. Velma Creen says:

    Re: Greta Vadafew

    I’ve posted here but have yet to see my comments. Please explain via post, as I have change my e-mail address.
    No ifs, ands, or (a)but(s). Do not force me to use muscle.

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