I could only assume that my boss was not pleased with my draft of his Board of Directors Address when he threw some gasoline on it, lit it on fire, defenestrated it, and said to me, “You have two options: don’t say a word and get the bajesus out of my office or stay here and suffer the same fate as your brindled little friend the speech.”
As the brindled French bulldog shuffled closer to me, I realized that he was indeed leash-less, and conceded that kidnapping him would indeed be acceptable. Since my kidnapping supplies were low, I had no other option: I picked up my new best friend and placed him gently into my purse, where he fell asleep drooling on my wallet and hairbrush.
Nurse Chesterbutt had been working in secret on the creation of her new species, Roboticus Peenisus, in the hopes of introducing it at the next TED convention. By mating a greyish-brown bulldog with a robot with a donated human penis (her friend Gladys had reluctantly donated her extra one; it was the nurse’s only option), she had discovered that the outcome – in a lab setting of course – was a three-foot tall brindle scrotum with a wagging tail and blinking red lights for eyes.