Though I had always considered Frank Hubert’s obsession with collecting gizmos from the garbage to be an imbecilic if not dangerous crotchet, I have changed my views since I learned of his latest found treasure: an antique Never-You-Mind worn by Lady Mendl herself.
If you can dream it, Doctor Poopywrinkle can make it! From the most complex gizmo to the oddball whachamacallit; from the bizarr-iest who-see-whatzit to the wildest wackadoodle-doo!!! For only sixty-nine installments of $69.99 you can indulge your every crazy crotchet and any weird, wacky and wild passing fancy – just call Doc P and he’ll turn your idea into a poop sculpture with his trusty butterknife, just for you!!!!
Everyone knows that it’s time to head out when grandma starts gibbering on and on about the state of the world–the gizmos (her cordless telephone), the state of the youth (jeans are too tight, girls are so slutty), and of course, the possibility of a lady president (she should be in the kitchen!)–because if you don’t head out before her crotchet reminiscing, you’ll eventually witness her remove her teeth.