During the long winter months in New York, Central Park squirrels are known for their wildly aggressive behavior. Just like the humans who they’re trying to overthrow, the winter madness of all Central Park Squirrels is eminent. After days and days of sunless brooding, nutless meals of leaves and cigarette butts, and dodging dangerous sleds, most squirrels maintain a splenetic demeanor, which always escalates into an altercation of some kind. (As seen here.)
–Eliot George Capleton
Richard felt his attempt to rise within his chosen social group, NMFNYM’s, was finally working and that a status symbol worthy of such eminent ambition was deserved. So he was surprised to find that his decision to wear a tasteful satin sash to the next Naked Men for Never-You-Minds’ Annual Dues Brownie Bash incited splenetic reactions as well as disgust…for a sash on a naked man is a prime example of overdoing it on the accessories. Everyone knows that.
Unfortunately, today I have been unable to make an eminent sentence nor canorous call to my kindred people, but instead I have only been able to sit in a splenetic state, like an invisible piece of poop, waiting to be flushed down today’s pearly white commode and into the great Hudson River where my shitty heart may finally set sail.