No, I never claim to be the most epigamic creature; in fact, I spent the greater part of this morning coating the insoles of my shoes with dry shampoo in an attempt to rectify the fact that I had both stunk them up and had also never considered it a priority to invest in a new pair or a more suitable remedy such as Dr. Scholl’s or Goldbond medicated foot powder. –Gladys Potter

That morning, Virginia Steve chose to focus on her most epigamic quality – the incredible toothy smile for which she was known and adored. Armed with this Cheshire grin and her signature wink, she sought to rectify her belief that she unattractive to the opposite sex, and so went to the Ringbearer’s haunts in the hopes of winking and smiling her way into his heart.

~Lady Schwartz

After accidentally eating his girlfriend’s French Poodle,  Edward Cullen felt remorse for the first time in a century. In order to rectify his unbecoming-of-a-gentleman behavior, Edward Cullen (born 1900), used his epigamic, vampiric, sexual chocolate nature (he was an attractive creature of prey to all, including the hardest of hearts, such as Donald Trump and famed anti-vampire activist, Buffy Summers) to reign in his lady love once again, and woo her into a scurrilous submission and eventually knocking her up.

–Eliot George nee Cindy Capleton

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